Friends
by ROSSELLA1
Summary: Crowley gets a call in the middle of the night. My version of how Dean should get out of Purgatory.


Friends

By ROSSELLA1

Note: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters. So I hear that Sam's not even going to look for Dean. Well, my knowledge of all that is Sam rejects that, so here's my theory of what should happen.

Crowley groaned as his cellphone on the night table went off.

"You know," Bobby growled from next to him, "you'd think that when yer dead, you'd be able to get a good night's sleep!"

"Royalty never sleeps, love." Crowley pressed a kiss to the back of the hunter's neck and pried his arms off Bobby to reach for his phone. "Someone's got to keep this kingdom running. Hello?"

"Uh…Crowley? Is this really you?"

Crowley dropped the phone.

"Who's it?" Bobby asked, as the demon stared down at the device on the bed between them.

Instead of answering, Crowley picked up his phone. "Moose?"

"Yeah. It's me." Sam sighed, as if in relief (a feeling his callers rarely felt). "I was-"

"How did you get this number?" Crowley snapped. He wasn't in the habit of giving it out to humans, for very good reasons. He'd learned early on that that only led to a bunch of texts asking for extensions on deals, even though he'd already told the sender he didn't make any exceptions.

Bobby rolled back over. "That Sam? Let me speak to him!"

"Bobby's cell." Sam answered.

"Ow!" The crotchety hunter exclaimed as Crowley swatted his lover's hand away slightly harder than was necessary.

"I didn't think it would be on there but I figured it was worth a shot." The younger hunter paused. "Was that Bobby?"

"Ye- hey!" Crowley held the phone above his head and snapped, binding Bobby's reaching hands in handcuffs. The King of Hell covered the mouth piece. "You'll get your turn when Daddy's fini-ow!" He cried, as the older hunter kneed him between the legs. Cursing, he rose from the bed and made his way into the other room. "Now, Moose." The demon said, once he'd closed and locked the door behind him. "You better have a good reason for getting me out of bed."

"Oh, don't worry, I do. I need your help finding Dean."

"I've already told you; that's not going to happen."

"Yeah, but I was wondering if you'd changed your mind yet."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because we're friends."

Crowley snorted. "Sorry to pee in your cornflakes, love, but we're not friends. Now-"

"Well, friends stick by each other. They might have their differences, but, in the end, they end up helping each other."

"Yeah?"

"Well," Sam answered, as if it should be obvious, "I know you've tried to kill me and we've tried to kill you, but we always end up working on the same side."

"We're not on the same side now." Crowley pointed out.

"But we're not against each other, either. And eventually you'll realize that we're friends and-"

"Just because we've worked together in the past doesn't mean we're friends!"

"But we also enjoy similar activities-"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Dean and I hunt the supernatural and you hunt anything that gets in your way."

"Fair enough, but there are several hunters out there that want to kill you. Just because they're hunters doesn't make them your friends. Why should it make me yours?"

"Well, that's not all there is." Sam continued. "Friends also hang out."

"There! You see? We never spend time together!" Crowley smirked, triumphantly.

"What do you call working together to stop the Apocalypse? And stopping the Leviathans?"

"A temporary cessation of war based on a common goal."

"Again, back to being on the same side. And what do you call asking Dean to go out for pizza?"

"We were in Chicago! You can't go to Chicago and not try their pizza!"

"And all those times you stopped by the Campbell camp just to 'check up on things'?"

"I was just making sure everything was working out okay!"

"I know. Nice of you; something a friend would do." Sam ploughed on before Crowley could say anything. "And how you told your demons not to mess with us?"

"I was being practical!"

"You honestly expect me to believe you couldn't have found a way to kill leviathans yourself?" Sam scoffed. "You're the King of Hell! Then there-"

"Listen, Moose!" Crowley growled into the phone, fed up with the conversation. "We. Are. Not. Friends. And I am not helping you find your brother." Before Sam could get another word in, Crowley flipped the phone closed and reentered the bedroom, only to see Bobby glaring in his direction. "Right." Crowley sighed, opening the phone and dialing Sam's number.

"Crowley? Did-"

"Bobby wants to talk to you." Crowley snapped his fingers again and Bobby was free with the phone in his hand.

"Sam? That really you?"

The demon rolled his eyes at the softness in his lover's voice. Honestly, it had been a week; humans! Crowley plopped back down on the bed and waited impatiently for the hunters to finish their conversation.

"Yeah. It's me. Whatya been up to?" A long pause. "Well, where'd they go? They couldn't have jus' disappeared!" Another pause and Bobby's tone changed from worry to ire. He glanced over at Crowley, his eyes narrowing. "That so?" Another pause. "Really?" The King of Hell began to feel a bit uneasy.

"What?"

"Well, Sam, I'd love to keep talking to you but I think I better start working on this." A pause. "Yep, don't you worry. We'll have Dean back in no time." Another pause. "Goodbye, son." Bobby flipped the phone closed and hurled it at Crowley, hitting the demon in the head.

"Hey!" Crowley yelped. "What was that for?"

"Listen up _Fergus! _Yer goin' to help Sam find Dean or I'll set the hounds on you."

"But, darling-"

"No 'buts'!"

"It's just not-"

"And," Bobby added, getting up and crossing his arms over his chest, "no sex until you do!"

"But…I… it…" Crowley sighed. "I suppose I can dig out some old tablets."

"Good." Bobby didn't get back in the bed.

"What? You mean now?"

"I ain't getting any younger."

"Technically, you're not getting any older, either." Not even a twitch. "Fine!" Crowley huffed, throwing back the covers. "But you better wait up!"


End file.
